The loss of a Buddy

I know to some he was just a dog!  Yeah, I know, but he was also my friend, my buddy and my confidant for 14 years.  We got him in August the year that Stephanie went to live with April and Curtis so she could go to school.  He filled a big part of my life that was empty.

My heart hurts today.  It has been 12 hours now.  I can't stop thinking about all the fun things we did.  The scares we had and the funny stories we have told over the years about this dog.

He was named Muttzilla because as a pup  (small 6 week old one)  He would growl when he was playing and try to look fierce like Godzilla, the name Muttzilla came from that and it stuck.

He ate his first real meals out of a frisbee. He learned to food skate before he walked!  He was too little to be on his own but he made it.

He fell out of the truck when he was about 10 weeks old.  He went into shock and David and I brought him back, puppy rescue breathing!

He didn't like DOT officers.  He would growl at them when they came to the truck.

He love stuffed ducks that had squeekers in them.  He would eventually tear them up but he loved them all the same.  He loved tennis balls too, not as much as ducks though.

He would sit for treats and only treats.  It was the only trick he ever learned.  (oh and for bones William gave him when he was young)

He loved being on the road.  He also loved the last year of being off the road and having a yard to wander in and guard.  (not that he was the best guard dog since he was almost blind and almost completely deaf)

Someday ask me about him being attacked by Jessie's and Ladonna's Tom cat.  It was hilarious.

Shadow seems to be lost.  He knew there was something wrong with Mutt and doesn't understand him being gone.  

I thanked him and told him he was a good dog before he died.  I hope that he understood.  It was one of the most painful decisions I have ever had to make but it was the right decision and it was time.  Just know that in the next little while I will be sadder and quieter than usual.  It will be hard to get used to him being gone.  I find myself listening for the scratch at the door.

Depression

Sadness, gloom,dejection. This is the dictionary.com view of it.  Sadness and stress are big factors.

Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust.  Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You.  Psalm 143:8

Fighting depression can be a lifelong battle.  Some who never have experienced the crushing weight of depression think us weak.  I am not a weak person, others that are depressed are not weak.

I get up every morning and try to remind myself what my blessings are.  That God has a plan for me.  I need to trust in Him so that His works can happen.

I truly have a great life.  Depression is still a part of it.  I am not at my worst.  Still I find myself having a hard time functioning.  I think of that verse often to remind myself I have someone to lean on and trust in!  Friends may come and go, but God will always be there for me.

I hope that if you are struggling with depression or sadness that this verse brings you comfort.  If your depression gets to the point that it is strangling you, please ask for help!

Be Blessed

Daughters!

How special are our little girls?  They are so special and sweet.  You watch them grow, through all the stepping stones.  Then one day you look at them and you realize they are all grown up and are special women.  

My youngest child turned 20 today.  She has always been told that she was a double miracle to us.  Long involved story but she shouldn't be here.  What a blessing we would have missed if she hadn't happened.  She is a spiritual person, who has the strongest faith of just about anyone I know.

I look at her and her older sister.  I am just so proud of them both.  I don't take credit for it either.  I wasn't the best parent.  It really took a large family and some self raising to make these wonderful women.  Through all the mistakes and problems I count myself so lucky to have the smallest part in their lives.  

The whole world may not know them but our own little corner of it loves them both to pieces.  They have both been a friend and a Butt kicker when needed!  They have shown me the kind of woman I want to be when I grow up!  They have shown me how to be strong, silent when needed and up in your face at others.  If you know these two women and count them in your family or friends then you are all blessed too.

Happy birthday to Stephanie!

Happy birth to Sherrie!

Love you both so much--Mom

Help from Heaven

2 My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
3. He will not allow your foot to slip or to be moved; He Who keeps you will not slumber.
Psalm 121:2-3

I have faith in God, I know he will help me.  I am staying steadfast in my belief.

I will not let health issues, money problems or anything else blow me off the path.  My feet will not slip!  So my faith shouldn't either.

Hope you all have a great day and remember God is always with you.

Sickness and Healing

I have been sick off and on for a good six months.  I have gone to the Doctor to be better for a week or two and then back to same ol thing.  I have taken 2 or 3 different kinds of antibiotics, dizziness pills and steroids.

Nothing seems to beat this.  I have been reading in Mark about healing.  That I can be healed if I have enough faith.  Apparently I don't have enough.  I am still sick.  I am on the sick spiral again.  I have been in bed the last couple of days more than I have been out.  I get so tired I just can't stay up anymore.

No I don't want sympathy, I would like a lesson.  I would like someone to tell me what I am doing wrong.  Clean living? Done.  No swearing? Done ( I don't talk to many people all day)  Pure thoughts?  most of the time.  I am reading my bible and praying every day.  I just feel like I am missing it!  What the it is ??  I don't know.  So now what?

I post this and so many people will tell me that I have nothing to worry about.  Its not that big a deal.  Falling on my face because I have no balance is a big thing to me.  I am terrified of getting seriously hurt. My hearing is getting worse and worse.  It wasn't all that great to begin with but now Mostly gone on one side the other is failing too.

I am trying to be an upbeat person.  I like smiling and being happy.  I don't like being sick and snapping at people. I don't need the negative attitude in my life.  I want to be positive and happy.  I love my life.  Every single day I find joy in it.  The sickness makes it hard to enjoy it.

Any ideas??

Disasters in Knitting

At the moment I have 3 shawls in the works.  Stair steps in difficulty.  One I use when I am watching TV with David.  Very simple mostly just knitting back and forth.  The next one has a pattern all the way through, still pretty easy because once the pattern is started its easy to follow the rest of it.  The third one is pretty hard.  For me to say that you know its a difficult pattern.

Why did I talk about these shawls?  The easy one is drying in the garage because I dumped a whole bowl of beans on it last night.  The medium one is still going strong.  The hard one I had to rip out about 20 rows to my lifeline because I messed up the pattern.  Somewhere I didn't follow the directions.

I have plans for each one.  Hoping the bean shawl survives!

Directions

As a truck driver I had to learn to read a map and follow directions.  I would get lost if I didn't follow the directions.  If I took the wrong turn because I wasn't paying attention or misread the sign I could end up in a really bad place.  Ask my daughter Stephanie how many times this happened and she will probably tell you quite a bit.  I didn't react well to the getting lost part either.

I now run a business out of my home.  I don't run down the highway at 70 miles an hour with 80,000 lbs in my control.  I do miss it some days.  Most of the time I am very content to be home.

I knit a lot now.  I use all kinds of yarn, and all kinds of different directions.  If I follow the pattern I am usually ok.  (unless I forget how to count)  Again directions are important.  If you don't read the pattern correctly you will have everything mess up and you will have to go back and do it again.

God's directions for your life most of the time are easy to follow.  Pray, read the bible and follow the ten commandments. I am really new to God's word.  I have been a Christian for all of my life.  Reading the bible did not seem necessary.  I knew the rules!

Cracking open that Bible first thing in the morning and reading and studying has been a hard habit for me to obtain.  I find myself looking forward to that time now.  My alone time with God.  I get to learn so many things.  Did you know there is a Psalm about fighting depression?  Psalm 143.  Most times the verses I read have some meaning to my life.  I write down the things I want to read again, so I can remember it the next time I need that word to fight off my depression.

The bible has a lot more directions in it for many things in life.  Have a question about marriage, its in there.  Divorce? Hate? Drunkenness?  Guess what all those things are in there.  With usually a word or two directing us what to do.  Again directions.  Follow these directions and your life ends up to be so much better.

Have a blessed day!